Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
