Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
