I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
