this beer tastes like vomit already
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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