She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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