Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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