respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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