At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
