he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
