I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
me + whiskey = a bad person
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
