Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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