and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
