What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
