I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
