So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
