I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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