new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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