I didn't shave. On purpose
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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