So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
