Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
