I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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