Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
