the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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