I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize