i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
