Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
