i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We have started to decorate penises.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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