Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
