I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
