fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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