I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
