I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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