I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
