Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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