I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
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Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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