just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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