I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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