a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
