quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
