Christians are straight up FREAKS
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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