I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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