make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
