Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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