so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
