Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
