In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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