we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
