well you can't waste a boner
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
