Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
