Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
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if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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