What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went