Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That's how pantless uber rides happen