I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
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There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.