I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.