That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.