Buhtt sex?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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