then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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