My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
