Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
