Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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