TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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