toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need a beard to bite.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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