My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
