I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
