when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
