I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
