Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
