I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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