Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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