***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
